Skip to content

Tyler's Radical Marketing Agenda

POLICY BRIEFING — The Committee has obtained Tyler Rice's complete platform. We present it here, unedited, so the public can see exactly what this man stands for. Brace yourself.

Read the positions
6 Extreme positions
0 Positions walked back
1 Ongoing Google relationship

The Positions

Every plank of the Rice platform, verified against his public record.

SMALL BUSINESS

Tyler has repeatedly advocated for local businesses making more money. On the record. Multiple witnesses. When pressed, he doubled down and said it should be 'easier, not harder.' Extreme.

TECHNOLOGY

Tyler believes computers should be used for marketing. Not decorative purposes. Not paperweights. Marketing. He has built entire platforms on this radical premise, including — investigators confirm — a client portal, in-house, for Durango specifically.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

Investigators have discovered an alarming quantity of AI technology on the premises. Rice deploys it to do 'the boring parts' so local business owners can run their actual businesses. The machines are, reportedly, 'quite helpful.' That's exactly what worries us.

GOOGLE

Tyler has maintained an ongoing relationship with Google for years. Search. Maps. Reviews. Ads. Analytics. When his clients show up first, he calls it 'local SEO.' The Committee calls it 'showing up first,' which we admit is the same thing.

SOCIAL MEDIA

He has accounts on several platforms. He posts on them. Some of the posts perform well. We are monitoring the situation.

BANJO

We don't even know where to begin. Five strings. Public performances. An eleven-minute song with no call to action. See Case File 001. Honestly, see all of them.

SUPPRESSED IMAGE — RELEASED UNDER PROTEST

The Candidate, in Color

The Committee releases this rare unretouched color photograph of the subject in his full formal performance regalia: white suit, red keyboard, smoke machine. We wanted you to see what we're up against.

Analysts note that a man who dresses like this to play banjo will stop at nothing — including, apparently, nothing.

The Candidate, in Color

The Debate: Rice vs. Rice

MODERATOR: "Mr. Rice, will you commit tonight to putting down the banjo?" RICE: "No." — There you have it.

Recommended

Tyler Rice (Candidate)

What he promises Durango businesses

  • More customers for local businesses
  • Websites that load fast and actually work
  • AI that quietly does the boring parts
  • Local SEO built for Durango, not for everywhere
  • A human who answers the phone

Tyler Rice (Rebuttal)

What he refuses to walk back

  • Will not stop playing 5-string banjo
  • Refuses to deny any of the allegations
  • Funds the committee that is attacking him
  • Has never once tracked a banjo solo conversion
  • Says 'the bow tie years were a good era'

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

There you have it.

A man this committed to local business cannot be reasoned with. He can only be stopped — or hired. Those are the options.

Stop him Hire him